23

I have completely forgotten about this 'Once a year"tag. It would have been a waste of effort and lack of consistency if I don't continue with this birthday post because late is always better than never. 

As an old tradition of mine and continue from last year's birthday post and see where I was actually in my life, and how things have changed compare to this year. Last year on my birthday I was just a few days into my braces journey and my hair had just started to really grow, and of course yo girl was single. I was focused on saving money for exchange, had a pretty regular routine with my work and uni life. And this year in April, I was still in my braces, was still saving up for exchange, and I was still single and my hair was a little bit longer (If I had kept my own promise and not cut it then it would have been longer). Anyways, just months later things have changed, drastically!

Right now, I am on my exchange in Germany, madly in love with a person who are absolutely so special to me and living a braces-free life. But my hair is still short af :'). I promise you it is growing though. 

This year has been magical I don't know about you but I have definitely been on love high multiple times this year, and I have never felt so in love before, it is hard to describe when you are so in love and it varies slightly from person to person. To me, being in love is addictive, being in love is obsessive, being in love is magical and the feeling you get from this special person could make you so happy and so present in the moment with this person and just this person. You felt that you want the time to stop because time just goes by so quickly and you wish it could just stop for a while. I never would have in hundred years thought that one day I would be so in love with someone, and I never imaged who this person would be. I guess sometimes just let life gives you a surprise and just enjoy the prize! 

This year has perhaps not been all that smooth for my mental journey, I am surprisingly not that productive and I am surprisingly not that sociable and I am surprisingly not that upbeat about life (at least not to my standard). But I am still surviving and living it. I don't think time would stop for me because I don't feel 100% about myself or things, life would just go on no matter how I feel or no matter how anyone else feels. I just really have to pull yourself together even on the days I feel like shit. Something really worked for me on a bad day is to put on makeup and put on an EXTRA NICE outfit for the day. I would always felt much better afterwards. 

This year's birthday celebration was an even smaller one from last year's. I guess as years go on, you want to minimize your life in all areas and at least this is exactly what I am into. I still managed to get few photos. This year's one was a little different, I decided to give all my guests a little pot plant as a little birthday gift and thank them for their presence on this special day of mine and watching me grow older and wiser. 

I was actually planning on going to Little Beirut for some Lebanese food and you know I just love those, then it turned out that restaurant closed upon our arrival without any notice to customers who have booked that night, that was kind of disappointing to be honest. Then we went to Claude and Corbett a restaurant which I don't really like to dine in because it is just regular pizzas and burgers. At least I still managed to have a good time :).

 I didn't think everyone would be this excited to received a little pot plant of their own, but they are. I am spreading some solid eco love. Story of the night, Anh had a burst tyre  :').

Like I said, still living that braces life, my hair was longer than I have right now :') and marital status: single.

Amen, to how late this post really is. Also keep an eye on "Deutschland-ING" series, I swear there's more contents coming.

Bess. x

Deutschland-ING: Day 1

  9th and 10th of August, 2018

I can't believe I have survived a total of 24hr long flight to Frankfurt from the down-under!
I had my flight booked to Abu Dahbi about a 14-hr flight then a short 2hr break until my next flight to Frankfurt which was a 7-hr long flight. I lived through three difference time-zones and my body is absolutely at confusion. Especially in Germany, the sun doesn't set until almost 9pm like how Melbourne is. And my body-clock wants to sleep because in Australia time the daylight is the sleep time. It is utterly strange to talk to my loves in Australia because of the time zone, I shed few tears when I woke up from my broken naps last night because loneliness started to kick in and I suddenly felt sad.

Germany is so beautiful, I am currently living in Flörshiem am Main which is a town in Hesse Germany. Germans are incredibly friendly and helpful. I've received three lovely Germans' help, and funny enough today as I was asking for directions for shops, the German who spoke no English and I speak absolutely the bare minimum German trying to ask for directions, he tried his best to explain to me and I tried my best to understand and but I can only understand a little bit of what he said, then he turned around and walked to his car, started the engine and in German he said," I will take you there." which of course I didn't understand. I know it could be dangerous getting into a stranger's car but he dropped me off at where I wanted to be, I guess it was not that bad!

- 10/8/18: Got a risky free ride to the shopping center - 

Since my arrival in Flörshiem am Main I have been focusing on adjusting my body clock to German time as soon as possible, also I was hoping to get the sleep and rest I have lost in that 24 hr long as flight. After my broken naps, my body aches. Because I don't actually have enough energy to go around Frankfurt yet, today I have been going to the shops and buying groceries to treat myself some locally produced German products. I am actually liking the German markets, because they have so many different sizes for every products, so it is so much easier to buy small amount for myself and not to waste food. And it is ultra eco-friendly, I guess Germans probably have been doing plastic-bag free for ages.

- 10/8/18: Videos of me trying my first German Beer  -

 

 

I also had a pleasant experience with German beer, maybe my roommate had given me a good German beer, it was very flavorful and not too bitter nor sweet, but it for sure just tasted better than the ones in Australia.

First cooked meal in Germany!

Just some more photos I took around the town during my morning jog!

- 10/8/18: taking a morning jog around town- 

- 10/8/18: Thoughts on living in Germany- 

p.s. watch this space for more Deutschland-ING

p.p.s. German net is killing me, this post was meant to be out on the 10th but net was so shit I just couldn't upload these photos or load pages, I am low-key struggling, what a first world problem! 

Tschüss!

 

Favourite Quotes #4

 The following quotes are what motivates, resonate with my perspective and values, gives me directions in life and generally some really good stuff to share. 

"I think late bloomers sometimes have the feeling that even after they’ve “made it” – whatever that means to them – that there’s the chance the rug could be pulled out from under them again. After they reach their goals they create new goals to focus on because they never want to stop actively working on their progress."

"There’s always an element of gratitude late bloomers feel towards the life they’ve created for themselves. They know how much longer it took them to get where they are, either because of past choices or circumstance, and they refuse to ever forget their journey." 

"We are still a work in progress. We're still young, after all. Meeting someone new means needing to explain stuff about yourself and your life: whether you love your career or dream of something else, if you close with your family, if you're generally happy with your situation. If you're not happy and want to make some changes, it can be picture yourself becoming a part of someone else's life." 

" By never making yourself vulnerable, you are automatically protected against rejection. But that type of security is nothing more than glorified loneliness. "

"All that pretending not to care led to many midnight bowls of cereal and very few dates, and it left me feeling deficient and scared, wondering how I'd ever learn to let down my guard and whether I would ever experience anything like true intimacy."

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others opinions frowning out your own inner voice. And, most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

"Passion is a feeling, it changes."

"Ideas get better if you give them a chance to develop."

"During a twenty-something crisis we often choose what seems to be the safe choice but a safe choice can also be only a reaction to our past. Sometimes things seem safe because they are familiar not because they in our best interest."

"You are never going to feel like it, you just have to make yourself do it."

"The first 2 to 3 hours of the day are the best hours for the brain to focus on the tasks or goals that advance your own personal or professional goals."

"There's a principle called Parkinson's Law work expands to whatever time you give it. So give your workday a deadline. A deadline is important for stamina and mental health. It forces you to focus and be serious about taking the break from work."

"When you mind takes you somewhere sad, dark, doubtful, or negative, you do not have to go with it."

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you are about to do something really, really brave."

"There will always be someone who cannot see you worth. Don't let that person be you."

"Confidence builds when you do things that affirms your sense of self, particularly when they are things you might not normally do, like getting up on time, speaking in front of your church, or chasing down the CEO of Cisco on bike path. These are acts of everyday courage and they build confidence."

"What I do know is that the first time you do anything, it is going to feel difficult and maybe a little scary. You are going to need a little courage. We are all capable of acting out of character when it serves an important purpose."

"There's no expiration date on discovering and expressing the power of you."

" Don't tell people your dreams, show them."

"All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them."

"Be aware of your financial attitude, this is perhaps the most important tip of all. If you are constantly saying things such as " I am broke" and "I don't have any money." Guess what? That is how you are going to stay."

"if making a relationship last is more important than tending to the things that makes us who we are, we will eventually feel a sense of loss."

"We are in our twenties, not our fifties. These is time to let things evolve in our lives independent of any expectations of comparisons."

"When we are in love, or when want to be in love, we sometimes see the world through rose-colored glasses and don't spot the red flags."

"The more we psych ourselves up and the more we try to control how we get into relationships, the less likely we are to date with ease and the more hangovers we will face. As I've stressed, we need to follow our own dating rules, but our rules cannot be so rigid that we leave no room for fate to intervene."

"The best dating tips I can give you are to have faith and to approach getting what you want in a relationship with a clear sense of your identity and goals."

x. Bessie 

2018

Another year another post, 2017 has been a quiet one I suppose. I felt like I have a very set of routine  I have to follow everyday, uni, work then hanging out with friends. Time has definitely gone by especially faster and I've learned so much about myself, career, life and family.

2017 was a year filled with a lot of life-dramas, by that I meant, a lot of 21st birthdays, graduations, engagements and pregos giving birth. My life this year somehow felt very stationery and if it actually moved, it must've have been a very small baby step towards my life that i just don't feel it at all.

Friends around me started doing their life very vigorously by that i meant, getting married, getting a house with their long term boyfriends, and planning a family. Of course that's not majority of friends are doing that, there's definitely a lot of us are still on the same boat with not ready to take on life fully. That is of course totally acceptable too. But it made me realized it really is ok to just be me and follow the path I have built for myself, and be confident with each step I take even the answer is uncertain and the future is just a blur.

2017 was a year I pondered on life hard, questioning about choices I made and kept on thinking about moving out and all that dramas. aka. having fights with my inner peace and that caused a lot of stress for myself and these was period of me that was completely out of order, and just didn't want to do life as how i always have wanted to.

Few big lessons I learned in 2017

1. Authenticity is a tremendously admiring trait

Being authentic and truly just stay true to myself and to the person I am becoming today. I don't hate it and i don't pick on it, every part of traits i have right now made me the only person on earth who named Bessie (not literally) and sometimes clumsy with dark sense of dry humour, all these traits are me and I love all of it.

2. Kick people out of your life

Kick them out bitch, you hear me right. You don't need useless and toxic friends in your life to remind you how bad your life is and keep giving you shit for being yourself and for trying to get your life together and do the right thing.

3.  Be proactive, when you don't like something, you really have to approach it and change it

Being lazy or afraid of changes adding unnecessary stress to your life (at least to my life), and the only way to go about it is definitely to be proactive and do your research, ask for help and do whatever it takes to make that change and accept what you have to and just be that change and embrace that change.

4. Hold your friends tight, and really tight

Last year was a year I experimented with friendship by that I meant, I ignored some of my closest friends because I've been busy with life and just didn't make the effort to connect with them. I was guilty of taking my most lovable friends for granted and things they do for me and words they say to me.

here are few highlights I personally treasure in 2017

- Getting braces ( I don't think you will understand how life changing that is for me, and a 4-year dream come true moment)

- QUT fashion grad volunteering as a dresser - getting model into their outfits, that experience gave me such insight into a mini NY-fashion-week -esque backstage feel

- Adele's concert : starting my 2017 right

-  Redeem my birthday voucher for Frida painting night with two of my favourite people (ignite my love for Frida)

-  Getting myself a Kanken backpack (my first Kanken backpack and my very first $100+ bag and investment I did for a bag)

- Submitting my exchange application

- Attending interview for QUT connector role

- Getting my eyebrows threaded

- Having seafood buffet for the first time even though it was exxy asf

- Trying a tom yum infused vodka cocktail

-  Manly beach date to see the sunset

-  Growing passion for green indoor plants

- Made ReFashion group

- finally my hair is getting longer without having me to constantly wanting to cut it short ( i do occasionally want to chop it off tho) 

Here are some of overused terms in 2017 by me

• bitch 
• girl 
• babe
• ayeee
• asf 
• shit 
• shiet 

I am actually worried about my vocabularies capacity because they are definitely shrinking slowly.

some photos of those special people who were with me on NYE 2017, you guys all have a very special spot in my life <3

     I wish everyone had a great 2017 and continuously have a great year in 2018 if not, better. Ending this post with my 'daughter' and my 'grandson' acting cute to get my last bit of affection from 2017. 

x. Bessie

Favourite quotes from random reads: #3 May - June 2017

" One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy with yourself."

Following quotes are from a book called : " What I wish I knew at 18" 

"Being an individual is what makes you stand out, what made you special."

"Realizing that we are the creators of our own experience - the happiness and the suffering - is the beginning of wisdom and the beginning of growing up."

"Look for the good in any bad experience and be grateful."

"Don't just stick to your own friends. Make an effort to talk to people who don't fit the usual mold - they can challenge your thinking and make life much more interesting."

"The more you do it the more you can imagine doing."

"When you are young you treat older people differently because they look different to you. As you get older you realize that, inside at least, you feel the same as you did when you were in your 20s. No one feels like an old person - on the inside everyone is just a person."

"Never ask a question unless you can : Handle the answer and understand the consequences."

"Don't at any point entertain the idea that you have to be like somebody else in order to succeed. Don't run away from what you've experienced or try to change yourself. Just tell the truth. The more truthful you are, the bigger the laugh, the larger the response, the better the show and the longer the season."

"Our internal dialogue can be vicious and outrageous. If someone spoke to us the way we speak to ourselves we should never talk to them again. Have compassion for yourself, especially in the tough times. Give yourself the same love and kindness that you show others."

"Working in an emergency unit makes you realize that the quality of life can change abruptly and that life can end instantly. So for me, success in life has nothing to do with wealth or material possessions. It's having the guts to try things - travel, singing lessons, travel, acting classes, whatever. Even if it doesn't pan out, I tried. For me, success is trying."

"Appreciate what you've got now and stop looking for what you might have in the future."

"Be willing to let go of the things that don't matter so much."

22.1

I've been busy, working and trying to get assessments done, but guess what, I am back with more photos from my birthday and I just finished editing them as well, just didn't feel like doing more studying even though, i should. 

But my brain is dead, the only brain cells i have left can only be used for easy work.e.g. such as operating Lightroom and editing photos. 

22

as much as everyone hate it, i will sing it again 

" i don'tk know about you but i am feeling 22." 

this song has being my jam, totally. 

The first thing i did this morning as a 22 year old was to go to Youtube and play 22, dance with it, sing with it and go crazy with it for a bit. 

As my birthday tradition, lets see what was i up to when i turned 21 (2016), I was talking about driver's license and Forever first year-ing. 

So I have already gotten my Green P driver's license, and I am in my second year now and even though i am pretty much still hanging out with first years. BUT HEY, i am finally in my second year of Uni ! Woo, it's incredible and such an amazing feeling to look back and realized just how far I've come. Even though all these achievements may mean nothing to someone else but they all very meaningful to me. 21 YO self, I approved you, you've done a good job. 

Let's get started with a photo of me on my 22nd taken by Sas, and edited by me :) 

 

this year, I've decided only to invite few people to my 22nd birthday celebration and not because I hate everyone else, rather I wanted something nice and intimate with some of my close friends and really just having a good dinner time. There are so many of my friends whom I absolutely love, and thankful to have them in my life but for this year, i just wanted a minimal dinner And i do know some of them may feel leftout, and please don't. You guys aren't left out ! I still love you all and don't take it personal, it's really just a decision I've made which has nothing to do with any of my friends. Enough disclaimer, lets get it started with my birthday post.

I have certainly got a bunch of creative friends, every presents I received I can feel a long planned thought behind it, they are so genuine, beautiful and close to my heart. I love them all, without those 'luxury jacket' (brands) the presents are wearing, they are much more decent. To me, it's not about presents but presence of my friends. 

I've taken photo of each and every present I received tonight to show you guys, how creative my friends are. 

Sas spoiled me so much tonight with travel and photography books and heartfelt little post -it notes.

Little B charm for Bessie, Thy's hairy buttock card without any writing on it but still managed to delivery the message very effectively, in fact a little too well. Thy always get me flowers on my birthday <3 I am so very spoiled ;p.

Anh and Anne are the cutest!! look at the braces survival kit Anne made for me. JUST OMG, incredible and super thoughtful stuff. I guess this explains why i don't really need a boyfriend. THEY GOT ME A PAINTING CLASS PASS TOGETHER ! how exciting, already pumped for the painting class !

Random act of fresh flowers from Nik, again, nik always spoil me with flowers too :) just like anne said, :" you don't usually receive flowers." (insert crying laughing emoji).

HAHA JALOPY's DIY card is my favorite, she is a little birthday card master, every time I read them i always get a light and easy vibe after, super funny, genuine, sweet and lovable messages.

even though, we were in this incredible Lebanese restaurant, i still couldn't chew foods, so basically all i had was soup. It tasted great though, gonna insert few random photos here because why not .